For over a year now, every couple of weeks, two writing friends and I have been reflecting on what we affectionately call The Questions:
What am I proud of?
What am I challenged by?
What am I inspired by?
What do I want?
What am I committed to?
Then we email our answers to each other. In the fourteen-or-so months we’ve been doing this, it’s proven itself to be a powerful practice in a number of ways.
Sometimes we forget and/or minimize our achievements and growth. For me, answering the first Question has given me the opportunity to regularly look back and acknowledge all that I’m proud of, including risks I’ve taken to go beyond my comfort zone, connections I’ve made with people, how I’ve stayed open to possibilities even when I’ve believed certain things were impossible. Even better when my friends remind me about celebration-worthy events or changes, and I can do the same for them!
While I try not to wallow in my challenges, it has been quite useful to recognize that sometimes, if things aren’t flowing the way I might prefer, it’s because of some pretty obvious conditions in my life… not because I’m incompetent or lazy or whatever other awful label I’ve given myself as the result of a learned orientation toward results.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that the very act of listing the same — or at least, similar — challenges over and over and over again has really helped me understand where I either need to make some shifts in the way I live my life, or else get some support… hence Question Four.
Reflecting on my inspirations is my favorite part of this practice. I love remembering all the people or works (articles, art, stories, books) that exemplify the kinds of creativity and kindness and generosity I’d like to embody more of myself. It also feels like an important way to honor the creative and other lineages I am a part of. And similar to a gratitude practice, noting and naming my inspirations has also been helpful in keeping me oriented toward points of light during otherwise dark times.
Then we share that all light around! It’s always fascinating to see what’s inspiring my friends, and I’ve learned about some great writers and books and shows and documentaries (etc) from their lists.
We added the fourth Question — What do I want? — with the intention of getting better at identifying and then actually asking for specific things, including that which would support us. I think it’s safe to say that for each one of us, the very act of asking for what we want had often lit a fire under us, and we have subsequently become more serious about making it happen. Another thing that happens is when we’ve asked for things, we often have suggestions or leads for each other that complement those we’d already come up with on our own.
Listing the things I want also reminds me that I have agency and choice in (most) situations, and it leads nicely into my commitments.
I like to list a range of commitments, from the types of administrative tasks I can’t seem to get to (the accountability of sharing these “to do” type commitments with my friends adds a degree of accountability that just isn’t there when I keep them to myself) to bigger picture, “life scale” commitments (such as protecting my self-care time and setting better boundaries). If I start to notice that I’m not honoring the commitments I’ve shared, then that’s interesting information too; I then have the opportunity to ask myself whether I’d like to get more serious about the previously-stated commitment(s) or adjust them so that they better suit the current conditions and my current capabilities.
Watch out for self-judgment and blame when it comes to revisiting your broken commitments. It is possible to hold broken commitments as gently and lovingly as you might hold an injured baby bird.
…which leads me to a caveat for the entire practice of answering The Questions: watch out for letting it become a way to measure yourself against external success metrics, or to judge yourself for not being good enough. We’ve been well-trained by society to value material accomplishments and gold stars. As writers, it’s especially easy to get sucked into the view that completing well-crafted, polished pieces / getting published / getting into that residency or MFA program / (etc) are the only worthwhile goals.
Many of us who write to discover more about ourselves and our place in the world are motivated by different things. I try to engage with the The Questions in the context of my own deeper values, which change as I shift and evolve. Over time, I’ve found this practice has supported me in clarifying and refining my values. And when they are more Alive, I’m better able to use them to guide me as I go about my life.
This moon cycle I’ve decided to start sharing my answers to The Questions in The Offering, and you are welcome to do the same! Whether or not you choose to share your answers with anyone, if you do take up this practice, I’d be curious to know how it goes ❤
Writing Sangha 
